The Art of Doing Difficult Things

When I was young I was a total martial arts fanatic. I would train up to 8 classes a week, usually taking back to back classes each night. I got so much satisfaction from training hard, I couldn’t get enough. But about 2 years into my training I started to cut back, most likely due to an increase in my social life.

Around this time I was up for a rank promotion, but I knew I was not ready. I had cut back a lot in my training, and I didn’t know all the forms I needed to pass the test. In fact, I was so sure I would fail that I did something truly cowardly. I went to the basement and intentionally hit my head against a cast iron pipe, giving myself a rather large abrasion on my forehead. Then, I told my parents that I had fallen down the stairs and hit my head, so I was in no condition to take the rank advancement test. Shortly after this event I dropped out of martial arts entirely.

You see, I was so afraid of failure, of looking bad in front of my fellow students and instructors that I was willing to injure myself. The sad thing is, even if I had failed the test I could have taken the test again later, but the thought of failure and embarrassment was too much. The bigger loss was that I no longer saw the challenge of working toward higher ranks as achievable. It was too difficult and would take too much work. I took the easy way out, and as a result I lost out on the life long fulfillment of achievement through hard work.

My fear of public speaking, of making myself vulnerable, and of taking social risks, has been a life long challenge. I have missed out on so much as a result. It has effected my relationships, my career, and ultimately my self confidence. But in spite of the fear I have challenged myself by taking on speaking at my church.

Speaking in front of a group, with sweaty hands, a trembling voice, and waves of self doubt swishing through my brain, was something I had to do. So why do I do it? Why would I put myself through such a difficult task? Because I know it will make be better. Because I know that I cannot improve myself if I do not do the things that I fear and that are difficult. I know that doing this supports my greater mission to live a meaningful life.

Today we all live in a world determined to make everything easier, more efficient, and cost effective. We strive to increase our output with the least amount of input. After all, more is better, right?

But there is a problem with this mode of thinking and living. The biggest negative impact has been on what I call the myth of happiness.

Have you noticed the rising emphasis on Happiness? Tons of books, blogs, and workshops have popped up in response to an epidemic level of the lack of happiness. There is this idea that you can achieve happiness through some step-by-step process. When did being happy get so hard?

Answer: When we made life so easy. Our infatuation with making life easy has led to the epidemic of Instant Gratification. Participation awards for everyone, so no one feels bad for their lack of hard work. Let’s reward the simplest of tasks so no one’s feelings are hurt. We wouldn’t what little Johnny growing up feeling bad about himself? Failure and the risk of failure is the best way to help Johnny, or anyone else, grow up to be strong and confident.

Instant gratification is a disease that robs you of happiness, of confidence, and of self-esteem. Doing difficult things gives you a sense of accomplishment. It improves your skills, adds to your experience, and ultimately leads to your sense of fulfillment, which then leads to happiness. Happiness, when experienced in it’s truest form, is a result of fulfillment, not an isolated pursuit.

Think of a time when you did something really difficult. Think of a time when you had to do something that made you so nervous you almost threw up in your shoes, when you knew there was a chance you could fail but did it anyway, where the risks were high but so were the potential rewards. How did it make you feel after you completed the difficult thing? Whether you succeeded or failed, you probably felt pretty darn good.

Almost 3 years ago I took on a new challenge. I signed up for my first Spartan OCR event. The event was in July so I had a few months to train. When the day came I almost backed out. My friend and training partner, who is younger and in much better shape than me, was planning to run with me but had to drop out. As luck would have it he ran a similar course a month earlier and blew out his knee. I thought “great, if Craig failed on an even easier course than this there is no way I’m making it through in one piece.” But I did it anyway.

It was hard, really hard, and crazy hot, 110 degrees with no shade and no breeze. Younger fitter people were throwing up on the first hill climb due to the heat. 5 miles, 22 obstacles, and four and a half hours later I crossed the finish line. I ranked in the middle of the pack, which was not bad for a 50 year old in a field of mostly 20-something athletes. But the best part was how I felt about myself and how hard I put everything I had into every obstacle. Out of 22 I only failed 2.

As inspiring as this was for me, the best part, and the thing that keeps me doing these crazy events, came when I met an amazing woman during my second event. On a 10 mile, 25 obstacle course, in freezing rain, I came across a woman in her 60’s who suffered from brittle bone disease. I was pushing myself mentally and physically up a steep wooded trail. Up ahead was a group of about 20 people moving very slow and directing other runners to pass on our left. As I passed I learned that the group was a support team for this woman. I also learned that this event was only one of several she has completed.

After the race the full magnitude of what I witnessed hit me. Here was a woman who risked seriously painful broken bones from the simplest mis-step of a rock or a root, pushing herself through this difficult course. It became clear to me that this woman was not taking on this challenge for the t-shirt or medal at the finish line. Nor was she doing it for the Facebook selfies and the “likes” from all her jealous friends. She was doing this because she wanted to feel fully alive. She knew she could not live a fulfilling meaningful life sitting at home avoiding anything that could cause her pain.

In the events I have participated in since, I have encountered numerous people challenging themselves in heroic ways. From paraplegics to amputees to severely the over weight, each one pushing themselves through challenges most people would never even consider. These people are heroic, not for their athletic ability, but for their desire to challenge themselves. These are people living fulfilling lives.

There are plenty of people who participate in these events, parading their medals and FB selfies for all to see. They miss the point. It’s not about the medals, its about the fulfillment of doing difficult things, pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, engaging the challenges solely for what it means to you, regardless of what the rest of the world thinks.

How do you challenge yourself? When was the last time you intentionally put yourself in a difficult situation just for the challenge? How often do you feel fully alive?